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If my boyfriend doesn't call today, should we break up?
Sex & Intimacy / 10:17 AM - Friday July 06, 2012

If my boyfriend doesn't call today, should we break up?

I told my boyfriend Wednesday night that I wanted to spend Friday with him. He said we would. Wednesday night and Thursday (yesterday) he hung out with friends and neither one of us called or texted on Thursday, but we *did* spend 4th of July (Wednesday) together.

I am going to wait and see if he calls or texts to confirm if we're getting together today (Friday) because I have been the one to contact him to make plans lately. For instance, I texted him once Monday night (he never responded) and called him Tuesday. He called me back on Tuesday but who knows if he would have called me at all if I hadn't called first to make fucking plans with him for the 4th of July! When he *DID* call back, he told me his friend might be able to rent a boat for that day. So what that means is he found out what his friend was doing for 4th of July before finding out what his girlfriend was doing! I'm not sure if his friend called him or if he called his friend, but it doesn't matter considering that I called him that day too and he didn't answer my phone call although he did call me back hours later when he left work. So he either called his friend before calling me OR he answered his friend's phone call while letting my phone call go to voicemail..

Anyway, what should I do if he doesn't call me today before I get off work which is at 6 pm? Should I call him or does that mean he's an uncaring boyfriend and I should end the relationship?

Update: July 07, 2012.
He called yesterday (Friday) at 8 pm saying he just got back from the beach. He said he might meet up with friends for dinner and make a late night of it and asked what I was going to do. I told him I had called 2 friends and was waiting to hear if either of them could hang out. He told me to call him and let him know what I decided to do and so I called him back almost an hour later and told him I still hadn't heard from either of them. I tried to invite myself to go out with him (my boyfriend) by asking, "So do I know any of these friends you're meeting tonight?" That sounded like a jealous, possessive question so I followed that by saying I was only asking because I wouldn't want them to have a problem with me coming along. He then said something like, "So I'd have to come now to pick you up." I felt sheepish because it didn't sound like he wanted me to come along or have to drive and pick me up, like he wanted it to just be his friends so I said, "Alright babe, have fun tonight." I told him I was hoping we'd spend the weekend together like we'd said on Wednesday. He was like, "You work Saturday right?" I replied, "No, I'm off on Saturdays, remember?" He said maybe we'd get dinner Sunday. That was that. I'm pissed and hurt. I want to have a heart to heart with him in person because this is some bull. He's already seen his friend, Nick at least 3 times this week while we only saw each other Wednesday! WTF!!? And his stupid coke head friend Gannon twice!

Update: July 06, 2012.
Don't digress, people. My question is should I break up with him if he does not call me today to find out if we're still hanging out like we agreed earlier in the week?

Update: July 06, 2012.
Okay DON'T answer if you're not going to give advice and instead all you want to do is be snarky and malicious just for the community to like your comment! I don't bombard him with calls and texts and if you had actually READ my post, you would already know this. Neither of us has called or texted since Wednesday. I am deceiving about my insecurity and only express it online!

- Asked by lonely4solong, Female, Who Cares?

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"Never make someone a priority when all you are to him or her is an option."

In those words, you have your answer. Back away, and ask your inner strength to stop obsessing over this issue. Go out and live life! If it's meant to be, he will be there and give you want you want and deserve. But whatever you do, don't let him treat you like a doormat, or take you for granted, because in doing that, you give him permission to keep treating you that way. Good luck!

- Response by reasontosmiile, Female, Who Cares?

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With all due respect to you. Your posts make me understand why your screen name is what it is. And, I truly believe that is affecting the decisions you're making and your relationship. Seriously, where is the rest of your life, sweetie? I mean, where are your family, friends, and socializing outside of this guy? You're calling him your boyfriend. Does he know that?

Seriously, he sounds like a young man with a life, that's all! He had friends before he met you. He's hung out with them a lot; enjoying his life, before he met you. If this man is not initiating any type of communication, or spending time with you; unless it's stopping over and it ends with sex! Then, you are a f*ck buddy or fwb. You should spend your free time always wondering if he's going to call, text, make or confirm plans!

First, you did this with plans for the 4th. Now, it's plans for today! Seriously, YOU ASKED HIM about spending today together. So, you should be making the plans and confirming for today. If he was the one who desired this, he should be doing it. And, even then you still should confirm for yourself. So, you're not blowing off any opportunities that could come your way. Yes, this guy cares more about his friends than YOU.

Yes, if you didn't call him as much, he probably wouldn't call or text you UNTIL HE FELT LIKE IT. I'm sure at one time, this guy seemed really interested in you. But, your neediness and lack of your own life, make him feel responsible for your social life and happiness. It's a turn off. NO MAN EVER WANT TO BE IN THIS POSITION. They shouldn't have to be. And, it almost ALWAYS destroys their desire to be around you.

Men are attracted to strong, confident women with lives of their own! They don't always want to be up under you. As if once they became your boyfriend their whole world stopped being theirs to enjoy *sometimes* without you. There seems to be nothing to who you are, except being with him in your free time! I know you might not get to see him that much.

But, that is no reason to believe every free moment you have you have to be with him. Nor, that he should drop all plans and things he want to do every time you're free. Don't you ever want to do things without him up under you? Don't you ever have fun having a day where you don't give a damn if he calls or texts? Don't you ever want to hang out and have a great time with your girlfriends?

Your posts sound like your very own romantic version of the 3 Stooges who's on first? I promise you, I'm not trying to be mean to you. But, it hurt my heart that this type of dilemma seems to be your life. You know already in your heart if this man is treating you like a boyfriend that want to be with you. Or, it's seeming more like you're a f*ck buddy/fwb.

If that is not what you want to feel like, you need to move on. Because, it does seem according to what you're saying in all of your posts, that he is a bit uncaring and uninterested. It sounds more like he invites you to things he and his friends are doing. I mean what exactly are the plans for today? You brought this up. You should have plans and call this dude up. Tell him what you're going to do, and when you're going to go. Stop waiting around for this guy to be chivalrous and do all of the work for something you want more than he does!

If you continue this relationship, you need to stop calling, texting, and asking him to things. Let this man BE THE MAN, and initiate something. Let him miss you and want to see you. Then, he'll make the plans. If he doesn't. And, he's all talk when sex is the plan, but blows you off any other time, or he doesn't contact you at all.

You let him know it's over and never look back. But, PLEASE get a life. Because, all you're going to do is carry this same behavior into your next relationship that you'll be needy for. And, the cycle will continue. Yes, you could meet a man that will be attentive to you. He will enjoy making plans and seeing you. But, this is how it always is in the beginning. Until, you start showing them there is nothing interesting about you other than "cuddling and having sex."

Show men you have an interesting life, and you're interesting. Regardless of whether he's called, texted, responded, asked, or confirmed anything! If you try to call your *boyfriend* today, and he's blowing off your calls, and doesn't get back with you. LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR GOOD! Don't let him creep back in. Good luck.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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I wouldn't make any decisions when you are upset with him. Cool off first, then decide. I would let some time go by without calling/texting him. If you complain to him that he doesnt call, text, etc., it will only drive him away. Guys like to be with their friends a lot, and if you come across as insecure that doesn't look good to them. Let me ask you this, do you do anything else besides hang out with him? Don't make him your top priority, because YOU should be your priority, and you're young. I'd say go out and enjoy life but that's so cliche. But it would benefit you to do things on your own and with other friends, and not make ANY boyfriend the most important part of your life, at least for now. In love things have to grow with some space in between, not crowded. Think of how plants thrive beside one another but not in each others way or crowded by one another. I'll quote you something I've read about from the great prophet, Kahlil Gibran in his book, The Prophet:
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

- Response by amy1022, Female, 46-55, Newark, Teaching

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I honestly think your making it too easy on him. He knows he has you so he doesn't need to put in the effort. If you are really considering breaking it off with him, cool it first. It's hard, but don't call or text him. In a few days if he really cares, he'll wonder what you are up to. If you aren't as available he will appreciate you more I think. It's worth a shot. It's also OK to be insecure, everyone is. It's a hard thing to realize that you need to demand the respect you deserve. You sound like a very caring person, give yourself a chance at what you need. Try not contacting him and see what happens. good luck

- Response by dreenie07081, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Hiya, wow sounds like your heart is beating out of your chest and you are totally fed up. Im sorry that your emotions are so mixed up right now. You want your man to spend time with you today and he is aware of that since you called. Let him come to you, that is stop counting the chickens before they hatch lol. in other words trust that he will call and make arrangements.Is it fair to be measuring who calls who first? You are in a committed relationship and things will happen in each others separate lives. He has time he spends with his friends and you should have that for yourself as well. When you guys spend time together you both will have lots to talk about. Lonely4solong, seems you are upsetting your self and being premature. May I ask that you have some faith in him and your relationship.

- Response by sumchocolate, Female, 29-35

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The challenge is the more aloof you appear to people, or guys, the more aloof they feel they can treat you so you are setting false boundaries...maybe or maybe you are able to see his level of interest more accurately without dictating the result. Personally, I can relate from my college days, and I would break up with him if he didn't call on Friday or simply make other plans so he will learn to respect your time. One time in my life I did the latter and that was a mistake as I wasn't being my authentic self rather playing games...and breaking up with him then would have saved me a lot of wasted time, but it's still an option.

- Response by afirecracker, Female, 29-35

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The short answer is yes, you should break up with him if he doesn't call today.

But here's the reality.

He already broke up with you, you just didn't notice.

- Response by hubbyochris, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Cleveland, Executive

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Honestly? You told him you wanted to see him Friday, you made the plans. You make the plans you call to confirm them.

Secondly you are stressing too much over which one of you he called first n what that means etc... His friend might not even have called him that day, he could have called or text the night before. Or his friend could have just text unprompted by your boyfriend saying he might be able to rent a boat. There are many reasons why he could have known about his friends plans without him putting his friend first. You just don't know! I don't understand why you are stressing about that or why you think the only option is he called his friend before you the same day.......... Anyway He DID call you back.


Finally If you are insecure you need to tell him, because you could ruin what could otherwise be a good relationship because you are inventing negative situations in your head and he doesn't know!

- Response by psychoticbabe1, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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YOU ARE PATHETIC............... .

YOU NEED TO ADDRESS YOUR SELF ESTEEM ISSUES BEFORE YOU EVER GET OR ATTEMPT TO HAVE ANOTHER BOYFRIEND. MY BEST ADICE FOR YOU IS PURCHASE SEVERAL OF YOUR FAVORITE VIBRATORS TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF BUT MOSTLY.............WORK ON YOUR SELF ESTEEM!!!!!!!!!



- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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How old are you? This sounds like ridiculous teenage drama.

If a man doesn't want to spend time with you, have the self respect to find a better man who does.

- Response by greekattorney, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Political / Government

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I don't know how many times I've seen your posts this week with the same boyfriend issues over and over again. "will he leave me, should I call, does he want me, why hasn't he text back" honestly? you are being too clingy and he is the one that will be breaking off with you if you keep acting like this

- Response by girlpower08, Female, 36-45

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I expect nonsense like this from my teenagers. You are supposedly a grown woman. Act like one.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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