My friend emailed me these, and I love them! Which one is your favorite?
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'Not this time!'
As a bartender served an attractive woman a glass of champagne, the man sitting next to her said, "This is a special day; I'm celebrating."
"Me, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asks.
"Well, My husband and I have been trying for years to have a child, and today I found out I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?" the woman asked.
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling. "So did I."
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy ... you explain the kids."
- Asked by philanderingwife
, Female, 36-45, Seattle, Financial / Banking