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My boyfriend is calling me bad names...
Sex & Intimacy / 8:24 PM - Sunday January 16, 2011

my boyfriend is calling me bad names...

ok I usually do not "blog" questions to others, but I really could use a second option... My boyfriend of 5 years calls me names like b*tch, assh*le, stupid, and psycho..etc The part that concerns me, besides the name calling, is the timing of such name calling for instance, I will do or say something that he doesn't agree with (like my option) and then he will say it... It has happened during heated arguments (which is also do not agree with), but when it comes out of no where I do not see why he does it, it's scary. And he does not laugh it off like a joke. Just know this- he has never once laid a hand on me. I tried telling him not to call me name and that if he continues I will end things. He does not take me seriously...and lastly, problem is we live together. What should I do?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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I have to look online but there used to be a wheel used to describe the criteria for domestic violence. This kind of name calling constitutes verbal and emotional abuse. It's part of the lower forms of abuse that corrode at people's sense of self-worth and across time does significant emotional and mental damage.

Yep I just checked...google "Power and control wheel for domestic violence". You can read it for yourself and print it out for him so that when you have that last conversation about having that behavior stop or you are going to end the relationship he will know you are serious and won't be able to dismiss it while calling you a stupid bitch. You can tell him that a chick with a masters and a professional credential gave you the info...and I ain't no stupid bitch.

- Response by joybird, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

You may have to follow through with your ultimatum. I'm sure he wouldn't like to be called names so I'm not sure why he would do that to you.

- Response by lasttrueromantic, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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you need to nip this in the bud NOW.
talk to him and tell him that it is UNACCEPTABLE to talk to you like this. sure, he can be angry at something or not agree with you on things..but it is NOT OK for him to call you names. tell him you will not put up with it anymore.
if you allow it, he will keep doing it.

if he doesn't believe you, then make him believe it when you walk out that door


- Response by fondacox, A Single Gal, Female, 36-45

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I think you should dump him. Pack his stuff up and chuck it on the street when he's out and get the locks changed before he comes home.

Why would you hang around a guy who has no respect for you at all?

- Response by spongecake, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Continuous unpredictable moods, in concert with critism and use of ugly language (slurs, insults)---is tantamount to living with physical abuse. It is emotional abuse, and the stress and loss of self-esteem associted with it are very debilitating over time.

Frankly, I would like to see you making plans to seperate yourself from this living arrangement, unless boyfriend (he's not really your friend---a friend isn't someone who refers to you as a stupid bitch, or asshole, etc.) wakes up in the morning and says "Honey, we have problems. We both need to seek professional help sorting this out")

You are in what is called a co-dependent relationship. Some part of you was attracted to this person----and YOU need to take responsibility for whatever is running your "program" from the subconscious level. It sounds like this has escalated to a place where you are waking up to how inappropriate it is to be treated this way ~ ~ ~ so now, you have to decide to do something about it. It's not going to go away all by itself, just because you want it too.

It's scary, but you need to make some kind of plan to change the trajectory of your life path with this guy. There are underlying issues on both your parts that are feeding into this.



- Response by ocelotspot, A Stay-at-Home Mom, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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He doesn't take you seriously, because you have yet to show him you meant what you said. You haven't left this verbally disrespectful and abusive relationship. He doesn't have to put his hand on you. If he's calling you names like that, he doesn't respect you. Just because he's an adult doesn't mean he can talk to you like that. If he wants to talk to the woman in his life that way, make sure it's not you. The more you keep letting this happen. The more he'll do it. And, then it might progress.

You'll feel less self-esteem the more he continues calling you those names. Because, no one wants to hear the person that they believe loves them - call them those type of names. Because, it just doesn't indicate they truly do when they don't care how much they hurt you. Please, stop allowing this. I don't care if you do live together. If you're not on the lease, I'd move out as soon as I found a place to stay. If I was on the lease, I'd wait until the lease was over and while I did, I'd make sure I was getting my own place together. Good luck.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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It's called mental abuse honey. Verbal abuse is abuse. They don't have to be violent to be an abuser. You need to drop his sorry ass like a bad habit.

- Response by misskitty420, Female, 29-35, Student

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Sorry honey....This answer is actually very easy. He calls you these names because you allow it. What Dr. Phil says is very true..We teach people how to treat us...Set an example and don't stoop to his level and cuss or call him out of his name. Argue fairly and like an adult with respect. Let him know your feelings and you do not like it. If he does not stop...you need to make a swift and bold move through actions and not words...Whatever you decide that bold move should be..you need to do it. Let him know this is not how you treat a lover and partner. Honey...if he does this now....He will abuse you physically, emotionally and still verbally if you marry him....AND SWEETS DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN. He will call your baby the same names....Good luck with this asshole!

- Response by semperfi73, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Executive

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And you're sticking around?

- Response by myrtletyrtle, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Kick this motherfucker in the balls next time and punch him in the throat.

- Response by sirpsychosexy13, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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