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Anyone know what are signs that a male was sexually abused as a child?
Sex & Intimacy / 11:12 AM - Monday December 06, 2010

Anyone know what are signs that a male was sexually abused as a child?

My husband was physically abused as a child, by his stepfather, and no one in that family even seems to remember it, or if they do they refuse to admit it.

A couple years ago he was being treated for a shoulder injury and his doctor was like wow you got a lot of scar tissue there and my husband insisted he never injured that arm. The doctor was like it could have happened when you were a kid and he was like oh my mom would have told me. HA. His mother talks from her ass - she doesn't know shit, and she could care less.

My husband is a very angry person, I don't think there is ever a day that he is actually in a really good mood. He gets happy, but it's not a real happy. He is very withdrawn, very un-emotional. Every little thing pisses him off, he tries to portray he is something he is not - to everyone else. He doesn't know how to deal with anything except with anger. If he stubs his toe, he snaps out and may throw things, if his back hurts, he'll snap out on everyone, if he gets a flat tire he'll kick the car or throw shit, if someone dies - forget it don't even speak to him for days, he hates everyone and everything. If we get into a fight he'll stay mad at me for days sometime a week or longer over nothing.

If I try to talk to him about being abused he won't really talk about it- and he forgives his stepfather for doing it - because he was heading down the wrong path and he understands his stepfather only beat him to put him on the right track. Yeah, right - he still went the wrong way when he was younger. Also, there were two older brothers and a younger brother than this man never laid a finger on. My husband is now under the assumption that beating a child to set them right or if they deserved it is ok - we don't have children and never will.

I asked him once if he was ever sexually assaulted and he flipped out and told me if I ever mentioned that again he'd f-ing knock me out.

I just seriously think there is something more to this story about his childhood than he wants to admit. And asking him to go to therapy is like asking a cat to not chase mice - not happening. He thinks therapy is a joke and it will never work.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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It is very difficult for some abuse victims to talk about abuse especially when it is a male being abused by a male. The stepfather had no right to abuse your husband and by no means should he forgive him. Beating someone doesn't put them on the right track and it creates inner scars and anger as your husband is showing signs of.
Unless your husband wants professional help to deal with being a victim you can't force him or help him. He will continue to be an angry man until he deals with his anger. You can only tell him you will support him to deal with this and move on to a healthier life. It is up to him. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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The anger is a huge red flag and I think him telling you if you mention it again, he'd knock you out. IMO, yes, he was and doesn't want to admit it or deal with the aftermath. Get him to counseling or feel his wraith. Sorry and good luck.

- Response by rexy67, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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WOW. I will say it is really good you aren't planningto have kids. His perceptions about acceptable ways to discipline a kid is OUT THERE. Also, his assumption that his abuse set him straight when you say it didn't is also alarming. Anyway, I won't list all of the problems you already know are there. If he is that close minded to therapy then all you can do is make sure you are safe. Even if you are "physically safe" you certainly aren't emotionally or mentally safe. I am a man, a man who has been seperated from his wife for 9 months. It sucked. But I woke up and things are great now. I am not suggesting you leave. I am just saying you may not be as safe as you think. This guy sounds volatile and flammable! He also seems sad, angry and scared. I am not sure how you get him help, but it is clear that he needs it.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Sacramento, Other Profession

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this man not able to talk out his feelings. his feelings are repressed, but he has recollection of the abuse.
i went to abused children....symptoms and found several good websites.
he needs some counseling.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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Tell us what attracted you to this man, and why you're still with him.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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Your husband sounds like a narcissist!

- Response by seasons4, An Retiree, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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