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My daughter wants to contact her father who she has never met.
Family & Relationships / 11:40 AM - Thursday August 05, 2010

My daughter wants to contact her father who she has never met.

As a 24 year old I became involved with her father who was married at the time. We had previously known each other before he got married and dated a few times. My daughter is now 28 and would like to contact him. I have access to his home phone number, but I am apprehensive about giving it to her. She mentioned that she would like to meet him if possible. I warned her that things might not turn out as she would like for them. He has never requested to see her even though he paid child support up until she was 18 years old. Also, I do not know if his wife is aware of her existence. And her phone call could open a can of worms. My daughter says that she would use a lot of discretion. And do not take this lightly. She mentioned that she would have to work up the nerve to call.

Should I give her the number. I guess if she does a little research she could get it on her own.

I love my daughter, but if I had it to do over again I would never get involved with a married man. It is not worth the heartache it all around causes everyone.

Update: August 05, 2010.
I should have mentioned in my original email that I had to force him to pay child support by taking him to court. We did not need the money, but he helped to make her, so I felt he should contribute to her support, whatever it may be.

Update: August 05, 2010.
Yes, he knows she exists, otherwise he would not have been paying child support for 18 years. I had enough resources to give a decent upbringing, so I did not see the need in bringing him into our lives. Also, he did not request to have visiting rights.

Update: August 05, 2010.
In order to call him to let him know that she want to contact him I would have to call his home. And I question is that right for me to do that. I have not spoken to him in about 26 years. This is a mess I regret making.

- Asked by jlighter, Female, 56-65

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Yes, you should give your daughter the phone no. of her biological father. It is important to her to make that contact. Your daughter understands the issues about discretion, and she is an adult. Everybody will be relieved to be able to reconnect. Take the step.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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I think she has a right to speak to her biological father. I think it is horrible that he has not contacted her but atleast he paid support. I think she calls him not you and speaks directly to him not his wife. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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contact her father first. let him know what's coming. if he says no, you have no right to give her that data. if he's up for it, then go for it.

she's just curious. and you can use this situation as a learning tool. as in not to mess with married men.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Wow. I TOTALLY disagree with another person who said that his wife "needs" to know. That is absolutely NOT your call or your daughter's call, to make.

I may have to shoot myself for this...but I actually agree with pizzatroll. Call her father & ask him if he minds if his daughter contacts him. If he says he doesn't want to see her, then tell your daughter you will not help her contact her dad because HE requested not to see her.

- Response by justpassingthru, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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pizzatroll, I was staring to think you give pretty good advice, and then you go and say something retarded like that...

I agree with clearlybrooklyn. She is an adult and she has the right to know who her father is. You have warned her about her father's possible reaction, it is up to her whether to make that call or not. Be there for her no matter what happens. You will always be her mother, and will always love and support her, even if her father does neither.

- Response by cons22, Female, 26-28, Seattle

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if you follow pizzapatol's advice, she may feel that you are trying to keep her from her father. your daughter may be your "baby", but at 24 she is an adult capable of making her own decisions. giver her the number and prepare to be there for her in a loving and supportive way if things don't go well.

- Response by darchie, Female, 29-35, Chicago

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She has a right to speak with her father if she wishes to do so. You should ge her the number and let her call. Its not your problem if his wife finds out.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Give her the number and let her do it..have one rule though..you do not speak about me and when you come home I don't want to know about it..let it be her experience and take yourself out of it..unless of course something happens and she comes to you and is upset..

My oldest brother met his biological father when he was about middle twenties..Those are the rules Mom gave him and she never made herself involved with it..other then telling Dan he could borrow the cadilac..lol Smile

- Response by cjs1991, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Every child has a fundamental human right to know her own father. Depriving children of her/his father is abusive.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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It sounds like you've told her the "con's" of meeting him -- since she's of age, it's solely up to her. Just be there for her if it turns out negatively -- she'll really need you then.

- Response by murphsandy, The Cook, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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You are not the only one at fault here, the man was married and had sex with you. He knew what the consequences would be. If that means your daughter calling him to begin a reckus, then so be it. The man IS her FATHER.

- Response by Female, 29-35, Houston, Medical / Dental

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She's an adult and old enough to make her own decisions. What are you afraid of more? Your daughter getting her feelings hurt or that she might have a meaningful relationship with her biological father?

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Military

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dfdfdf

- Response by matildax, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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fdfdfdfdfd

- Response by matildax, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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i find this story hard to believe= the wife doesnt know about this even though he pays child support- how can one hide that from a spouse? why werent you on the pill when you had sex with him? what were you thinking?

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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Great....another woman that didn't need the money, who took a man to court to get child support because SHE FELT that he should pay for the child when it's very likely that she is the one that wanted the kid.

Even if it was an "accidental" pregnancy there are so many methods of birth control, the day after bill, abortion and such, so she decided to have the baby then make the man pay for it even though he was married. So you had an affair with a married man but still forced him to pay child support for a kid he obviously didn't want since he had nothing to do with her her whole life... another shining example of American women.

Tom Leykis: Women who lie to get pregnant 1/4
http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=NqH8rW0YHms&pla ynext=1&videos=LdFRXaWl 0Vc

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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