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Wedding gifts when you are not attending the wedding
Recipes & Food / 10:02 PM - Tuesday May 11, 2010

wedding gifts when you are not attending the wedding

I have been invited to a wedding which, due to a prior engagement, I am unable to attend. The wedding is for a friend - someone I am not super close with. I probably see her about once every 3-4 months. I was invited to the bridal shower and spent about $75 on the gift. If I was attending the wedding, I would have spent about $100 on a wedding gift.

My question... if you have been invited to a wedding that you cant attend, do you usually send a gift anyway? If so, do you spend the same as you would if you were attending? I am planning on sending a smaller ($50) gift... does that seem reasonable, or am I being cheap?

- Asked by Female, 29-35, Toronto, Student

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I don't have a separate price I'd pay if attending vs. price if I'm not attending. If I want to send a gift, I'd probably spend the same whether I was attending or not.

- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Cleveland

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$50 is fine. We can't spend according to other people's income. Friendship doesn't know dollar signs.

- Response by twocents47, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Yes $50.00 is fine. Its the thought that counts not the $ value.. Send a store voucher so they can pick there own pressie is always a good idea.

- Response by berri, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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If you can only afford 50 bucks then spend 50 bucks.

- Response by wandatrick91, Female, Who Cares?

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Send whatever it is you wish to send. :)

You're not "obligated", one way or another.

It matters not whether you are able to attend.

The best gifts, are given from the heart. :)

- Response by mamom04, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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That's not being cheap. I would only spend $15 on a non-relative, and I wouldn't give any gifts if I weren't attending. You are not obligated to give anything if you can't attend or can attend. Giving just a card is perfectly acceptable.

- Response by lexerlouwho06, Female, 26-28, Student

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If the bride and/or groom is a friend - regardless of distance or frequency of seeing one another, I would get her a gift in the $100 range. Or I would simply RSVP my regrets and send nothing but a card.

It's just logical: YOU are an official guest. If your presence was not desired, your friend wouldn't have bothered to send you an invitation! It's not HER fault that you have other plans on her wedding day ... neither is it your fault. Are you trying to send her some sort of message by sending her a gift that is just short of the target $100?

My advice is to either send her a regularly priced gift - or nothing at all. Don't burn bridges over a matter of $25. You sound like a classey gal. So, whatever you decide, do it with your natural class :)

Much luck to you :)

- Response by familygal, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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You are not obligated to provide a gift even if you attend the wedding. Also, having a set price that needs to be accomodated is giving out of duty, not out of the joy of giving. We should give from the heart,not out of obligation.
If you feel that you need to do something else for your friend, arrange to have her over for an after wedding party where a few friends come over and she brings her wedding album and you give a "theme" gift based on things she may not have gotten prior to the marriage. An example could be a flatware party where she can get the pieces she is missing to complete her set...or a candle party if she has everything. Order candles for yourself and for her. She shares her pictures and everyone is happy.

- Response by msbargain, A Budget-minded, Female, 56-65

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If you cannot attend the wedding, but you still see the people occassionally, I would send a small gift...just to avoid an uncomfortable situation in the future-That will keep you on good terms with the couple.That is up to you though-I think you are being very reasonable by sending a smaller gift. These are not people you are particularly close to, so I think sending the smaller gift is appropriate.

- Response by bleeze, Female, 46-55

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The last wedding I turned down was my sister's... It was her third. No, I didn't send a gift.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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Keep in mind, it is never bad taste to live within your means.

- Response by gettingstronger, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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