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What should I do about my son and his girlfriend
Home Organizing & Cleaning / 6:58 AM - Monday March 01, 2010

what should I do about my son and his girlfriend

My son came home to stay with me when he finished university. At the time this was good so I thought, as he said that he could help me around the house and it would be a little extra money for me,so I agreed any mother would.
He came to stay, but he is very undtidy I mean really untidy, But I thought he might have changed a bit living away from me with his girlfriend, and he is 22 now. well in fact he has got worse because his girlfriend is also very untidy too.
Anyway he has now lost his job, so I am keeping him and giving him money for cigarettes, petrol, so he can look for a job. His girlfriend comes to stay every other weekend, then I have the pair of them messing the house up and leaving cups all over the place and washing on the floor just messy.
I am now disabled and I have mobilty problems due to disc problems in my back, I can not bend down to pick things up without pain and standing and sitting are a problem. Now recently the girlfriend has been a bit off with me and I was wondering why?
So I tell my son to which he replies, that his girlfrined is not comftable in my house because I am always asking my son to help and he says that sometimes I shout at him? I was unaware that I did maybe if he is upstairs and I am downstairs.
But I ask him to help me and he does one thing then goes back upstairs to where she is, this might be because they are playing on playstasion or something. As they have left me downstairs to cook the dinner. Then my son tells me that he has been slagging me off to his girlfriend because he thinks that I am always demanding of him.
I do not want the girlfriend in my house now, because she is off with me and now knowing that she is giving me filthy looks all the time and does not talk to me.
I feel like a bit of a servant in my own house now, as they just sit about waiting for me to cook and clean,and do not want to lend a hand.
I feel under a big strain with the finacial situation too as I only get disabled benefit to live on now as I lost my job due to ill health.
Do you think that I am being unreasnable about this? All my sons promises to help me have become a lie, and the girlfriend expects to be waited on hand and foot and never offers to help wash dishes or anything.But my son can see no wrong in her and he does wait on her hand and foot too which I am not going to do.

- Asked by pippylongstocking, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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OK this might sound rough but my sugestion is that you need to sit down with your son. Tell him what is going on, That things are getting more difficult. He needs to understand that you Can't do much anymore. He is your son. If he loves you he will help, but if his gf keeps doing this it migth become bad for your health. He is in the big world now, and acting like a teenager is out of the question. You need help.

- Response by darkflyer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You should say, "Give me a hand or give me my space back, you lazy ungrateful brats!".

If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one, and make a list of duties he is required to perform to earn his keep. If he doesn't, withhold his 'allowance' and he can quit smoking and do what many of us have done in the past, and get off his lazy butt, start walking and handing out resumés and filling out applications.

- Response by stillagoodguy1, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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It's your house - your son is an adult. Kick his ass out if he does not respect your rules. You're not being unreasonable, they're both taking advantage of you.

- Response by lavender, Female, 46-55, San Francisco

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you need to put your foot down and kick his ass out. tuff love will do him some good. he's seeing this as a free ride it's only going to get worse if you keep giving him money. why can't he go over to his girlfriends house? and really don't think of it as kicking him out think of it as more like your helping him to grow up.

- Response by misdestar, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

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You need to make it clear to your son that you did not suffer through childbirth and sleepless nights so that he and his girlfriend could make your life hell. He needs to quit mooching off of his disabled mom. I would hope that you did not raise him to treat you this way.

I would demand they clean up after themselves and contribute as much as possible however possible. Otherwise this is notice that he has to be out in 30 days.

- Response by boggob, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Political / Government

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what you are is an enabler, you are a crutch and failing your son

tell him that he has two months to find a job and a place to live, tell him that you love him very much and that you feel that with the way things are now that your two relationships will fall apart if you keep things the way they are. it will be healthier for you both with him out on his own. YOu tell him that you are now only going to get enough money a month for one person to survive on so you can no longer give him money for anything or buy his food, and then say, you know his gf doesn't like you and you don't want a person that disrespects you like that in your house taking advantage of you, maybe things will be better without you two there. tell him his living habits are not what you are looking for in a room mate and you end up being more work than you are help.

he will probably flip out at this cause you are basically taking your tit out of his mouth, the free ride is over for him

this will be healthier to yours and his relationsip

now, i know you are probably not looking on this favorabily, thats understandable as he is your son, but you either create an Independant kid or a Dependant kid, right now, you have created a dependant kid,

he is a man, he is an adult, it is time for him so step up

and he will never do that (cause we both know he is lazy), so you have to do it for him, otherwise he will ride you as long as you let him

and with you giving him two months till moving out, he will have 8 weeks to find a job, and a place to live, and i bet you will be surprised how fast he finds some work if he is about to be out on his own

tough love, thats what he needs, tough love, i would have already smacked him about a bit if it were my kid, maybe not smacked but i would not let this be happening like it is, you are a doormatt to him

aloha

- Response by beautifulloser, A Rebel, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Executive

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It's YOUR house and your son is a grown man. Lay down YOUR rules and stick to them. You're doing them both a favor by forcing them to take responsibility for themselves.

- Response by sweetiebug01, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Give them the Rules of the House. Tell them if the rules are broken they will be out on the street. Keep your word. Give them 30 days and if things are not to your satisfaction, out they go. It is YOUR house, YOUR rules!

No more "allowance"! Let him earn his OWN money!

Good Luck!

- Response by lacey07, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Tell your son his job is to find a job. Give him a list of chores to be done and tell him until he acts responsible like a man he will be treated as a boy. Tell him the girlfriend isn't welcome in your home. It is still your home and treat it as such. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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shock therapy if you dare!!! tell them they should get married and prhaps buy the house, or take over the rent..Show them the bills...you just want to help them after all. You also might be able to get assistance from (whomever)..and that since they are there this wonderful group may not be able to help....I know it's not forthright, but I'vr beed there, and the young adults just don't get it. Several od my kids ,i've said that too, started looking at dresses and then BOOM , it was over. they left my home..saved grocery money too.

- Response by foreal, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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