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My boyfriend hurts me during sex! Help!?
Sex & Intimacy / 10:42 AM - Friday February 19, 2010

My boyfriend hurts me during sex! Help!?

I am 19 years old and my boyfriend (21) and I have been together for close to a year now. We started having sex a couple of months ago. He's the first guy I've ever slept with.
At first, it was fine. He was very careful and took things slow because he knew I wasn't used to it. But now things are starting to change. He has told me in the past that he was into some pretty kinky, rough stuff with his last girlfriend, and that has never bothered me, but now he is starting to get rough with me.
I don't think he even realizes he's doing it, but he pulls my hair really hard. He has left teeth marks and hickeys before. I am usually really sore after sex, and I have bled a couple of times (meaning recently, not my first time which I know was normal). He even started to choke me one time. That was the one time I freaked out and made him stop. He said he didn't realize he was choking me and he apologized. I could tell he did feel really bad about it.
I mean sometimes this goes beyond rough and starts to border on violent. Its like he's angry or something. I know I have cried out and said "ouch!" on more than one occasion and its like he doesn't even hear me. Like he's zoned out or not all there or something. He scares me sometimes.
He loves sex, and he loves porn. He's got a HUGE collection of porn and I've seen him zone out like that when he's watching it. I have to call his name a few times to get his attention. And then his eyes look all glassy and strange. Its really weird and it freaks me out.
I am only 5'3" and very small framed and he is 6'. He works out a lot, and he's a lot stronger than me. He can hold me down with one hand, so I know he's more than capable of hurting me.
In all other aspects of the relationship, he's great! He's never been abusive in anyway. He's kind and loving, and he makes me feel very special and adored. I love him, and I know he loves me. I can see myself with him in the future. He's in college, and he has a good head on his shoulders. My parents love him. My friends love him. We have similar interests and values. He just brightens my day whenever he's around.
But its like he's a completely different person in the bedroom. Is this normal? What could make him act like this? And how can I talk to him about it without making him feel bad?

- Asked by 0darkfairyprincess0, Female, 22-25, Atlanta, Student

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stop reposting this. He's an ass. Get rid of him. The end.

- Response by bluelotus, Female, 26-28, New York, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Community Rating: Community Star

Is his name arod?

- Response by catscratch, Female, 46-55, Executive

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He probably got so used to pleasuring himself using porn that he goes into "porn zone." That is when the guy is pretty much using your body to get himself off, just like he would use his own hand. He kind of forgets to consider that you're a live human being. In any case he's making you feel scared and unsafe and that's just not okay. You need to tell him firmly that the rough play is not acceptable to you at this stage of the relationship. Try getting him used to connecting with you gently - start off with feathers and satin ribbons and things during foreplay in order to set the tone for sex. Honestly though if he doesn't knock it off, he has deeper issues.

- Response by sweetiebug01, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Hey, iv seen u post this a few times, not really sure what your wanting people to say

but anyway it seems like he's just gotten used to watching porn and let's face it, in actual porn all there is is hard fucking where the girls fake enjoyment, so maybe he just thinks that your enjoying it since the girls on porn fake it
other than that it sounds like he's basicaly just useing you as a tool to masturbate with, if he's not getting you off and it's hurting you that's all he's doing
you need to tell him that sex is about mutual pleasure, not just one person doing what they want because it feels good for them
and if that doesn't work then maybe he just has some phycological issues, idk

- Response by sunderstone, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Dallas, Other Profession

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You're "boyfriend" is a sadist who hates females. He would probably be happier in prison getting pounded in the ass by his cellmate.

You need to get away from this sick fuck before he really hurts you. Go see a counselor NOW!

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 46-55

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Seriously, don't call people "jerks" when they are trying to help you.
You posted this before. We told you to leave him. He IS going to continue to hurt you and get worse!! Do you really want to die? Because he will continue til you die. This is what happens when people like him do this.
Stop being mad because we are helping you- or don't ask this question.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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You've asked this a million times now. Some people like rough sex, some people don't. Guess what? You two are not sexually compatible. He likes it that way, you don't. He's not going to change his mind and neither are you. DUMP HIM ALREADY.

- Response by Female, 26-28

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