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Why are men so shallow when it comes to women's looks?
Random & Fun / 1:22 AM - Saturday October 17, 2009

Why are men so shallow when it comes to women's looks?

I'm a decent looking young woman, who is in reasonably good shape, who is probably about 5-10 pounds overweight (I'm 5'2, 117 pounds). I'm 15 years younger than my husband and we have one daughter together that I'd had from a previous marriage. Since I'd had my daughter, I've had trouble losing my post-pregnancy pooch. It doesn't look the way it did before I had a baby and IT NEVER WILL. It has been stretched out permanently. I have come to terms with that and over the years, I've actually become quite comfortable with it. I'd seriously considered a tummy tuck in the past but decided against it because I'm afraid to go under the knife. So lately, especially in my most recent years, I've become quite happy with who I am.

I was rhetorically commenting earlier tonight that I wish I could lose my "gut". Mind you, I've said nothing of this sort in months. Then my husband thinks he's helping by saying that he "loves my gut". Am I wrong for getting upset about this? I think I would have felt better if he didn't say anything at all.

I dated men in the past after my first marriage who were less than polite about the way my stomach looks. Yet, I've had some men who didn't care in the least bit. They knew I was a mother and knew what it can do to a woman's body. But to hear him make that comment made me relive the shame I'd felt when I was insulted about it by those other men. I haven't felt this way in a long time and I thought I'd never have to relive it because I've become quite comfortable in my own skin over the years. Now here I am, angry and resentful about it, considering whether or not I should have the surgery.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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If I learned anything about men, it's that they are damned if they agree with us and damned if they don't...your husband was only trying to let you know that he loves every part of your body and used the word 'gut' because you used it first and he probably thought that telling you he loved your 'gut' was actually telling you what a great body he thinks you have...don't be angry at him because he was probably wanting to make you feel better, even though he could have told you he loved your body, but the fact is that he is with YOU and he married you, that has to count for something...besides, I'm sure if he told you that he loved you no matter how you looked, you would think he was agreeing with you about your 'gut' anyway...give him a break, he was only trying to make you feel loved and cherished...:D

- Response by fastball, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Who was it that used the word: GUT in the first place?

I swear, a guy is damned if he agrees and damned if he did not speak at all. I suppose that you would then accuse him of THINKING bad things.

He is with you. He married you WITH YOUR BABY GUT. Does that not count for anything?

Stop talking about it, if you are expecting a certain, particular response from him. He is not a mind reader and is not aware this is a test with a CORRECT EXPECTED ANSWER.

The man loves you! Is that not enough?

- Response by randyl, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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I'm sure hubby didnt mean you have a fat tummy. when he said "I love your gut" b/c you said you wished to lose it. Men think so differently than women.I think he was trying to tell u he loves u the way you are,

If u were comfortable as u say. i wouldnt mention it to hubby
If you truly want a tummy tuck go for it. man women do. I wouldnt at this point and if it bothered me, who knows? Depends on how sensitive we are I guess.

- Response by dreamspinner, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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I'm sure hubby didnt mean you have a fat tummy. when he said "I love your gut" b/c you said you wished to lose it. Men think so differently than women.I think he was trying to tell u he loves u the way you are,

If u were comfortable as u say. i wouldnt mention it to hubby
If you truly want a tummy tuck go for it. man women do. I wouldnt at this point and if it bothered me, who knows? Depends on how sensitive we are I guess.

- Response by dreamspinner, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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what are you talking about 117 for your height is what is called healthy! you are not overweight my dear and as you said yourself there are men who are sensitive about it and others who are jerks. this doesn't just apply to men, women are the same way there are sensitive ones and b*tchy ones. No reason to put all the eggs in one basket my dear :)

- Response by lizzyheart, Female, 26-28, San Francisco

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It seems to me your over-reacting. He tried to make you feel better right? We as women care way too much about silly things. What we dont realise is we are fine the way we are. Nothing can ever be perfect. Dont get upset or angry about it.

- Response by chelsearabbit69, Female, 22-25, Adelaide, Internet / New Media

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Obviously you have neither accepted this, nor gotten beyond those insults. You asked and your husband answered that he liked you as you are. It is your problem.
Other women in history have had chilren and gotten their abs back. There is alot you can do short of surgery. In fact in the past you probably would not have been a candidate, but today I am sure plastic surgeons will do any surgery for anyone. Diet is not enough alone to strengthen stomach muscles, though unless you had a botched cesarean you should be able to regain a flat stomach with proper diet and excercise.
None of this points towards any logical reason to be resentful.

- Response by wolverinesegg, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Okay, let's get one thing straight: HE'S not shallow, you are! He agreed that he likes you the way you are! He's not asking you to lose the weight; he's saying he likes you the way you are and accepts you as you are; little bit of belly pooch and all. You need to stop comparing him to the other men and assuming he's like them--he's not. If he didn't say anything you'd be all over him for not being supportive; or worse thinking that he thinks you need to lose the weight. Stop making him out to be a bad guy when the worst mindset in the whole thing comes from you. You're not overweight, and you're not driving him away; what's more he loves every inch of you, perfect or not. The greatest gift you can give him: is to love yourself as much as he loves you. Remember he loves YOU no matter what you look like.

- Response by lioness21, Female, 29-35, Consulting

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