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Why do people assume there is something wrong with me just because I am behind for my age?
Random & Fun / 3:16 PM - Wednesday October 14, 2009

Why do people assume there is something wrong with me just because I am behind for my age?

I am almost 29 years old and feel so out of it because most people my age have done more things with their lives. I have never been married or even engaged or lived common law with some guy. I have never had a child. I know girls that are years younger than me who have already gotten married or had kids or are divorced!
There is nothing wrong with me I just have not met the right guy. I have a great peronality and job and am fun to be around. I hate getting either the pity looks or people thinking there must be something wrong with me. My own parents have actually given up on the idea of me getting married!
What would be a good thing to say the next time someone asks why I'm not married; engaged to someone or have kids yet?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Just say "Life happens & that just hasn't happened to me yet. I just go with the flow & am happy where I am."

Nothing wrong with you, a lot of people are waiting longer to settle down these days in search for the right person. No matter how you live people always have some sort of opinion, if you were in a common law situation they'd ask why you didn't get married or have a wedding. They'd still ask why you don't have kids. Parents sometimes seem in a rush for their daughters to settle because of the way parents of their generation seen confirmed bachelors(men/ positive associated word)or spinsters(women/ negative associated word)for people who didn't marry. It'll happen when it's meant to & you're still young.

Haven't you heard? 30 is the new 20 ;)

- Response by melmac, Female, 29-35

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Try these on for size.

Q1: How come you don't have any children?
A: I've never been married.
Q: You don't have to be married to have children.
A: Maybe YOU don't...

Q2: How come you're not married?
A: You know I was going, but I'm really diggin all this disposable cash...

Q3:Why aren't you engaged?
A: To do what?

There's NOTHING wrong with you!


- Response by rokitman, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Community Rating: Community Star

Lots of good answers here. I can't really add to that but I can offer you some inspiration maybe. I am 34. While I do have a child (grown now, had as teen), I've never been Married and I hadn't lived with any guy in about 12-13 years. I had not been in love either in all that time...

Until I met my current beau at 33. He was sooo worth the wait and I'd wait all over again if I knew he would be at the End of my rainbow. To NOT have any drama or chaos in my life and be able to freely share it with him is a breath of fresh air to him and to me both. We both dated our share of the wrong people and stayed for the wrong reasons. Ultimately we both decided it's ok to be Single and free of drama even if lonely. That mindset cleared our paths for us to meet each other.

There's so many people that are with the Wrong person and experiencing half relationships just because they didn't want to be alone, particularly by a certain age. They have questions on this Board all day that clearly indicate settling, mismatched union and piss-poor quality of the relationship but they won't let it go because the alternative is 'Single' which may as well be "AIDS" or something drastic as far as the Stigma by Society. Lol

Listen, Don't settle. I almost did around your age as I watched even my baby sisters get hitched. I've had family and strangers alike comment "It's almost too late for you to find a Husband". WTF.. Am I dying tomorrow or something???

I have a lot of friends around my age. EVERY one of them have been Married and divorced (couple on 2nd divorce). At my age, they have major baggage such as Debt from the dissolution of these Marriages, Legal issues, small children, etc.

Be grateful you aren't in that boat!


- Response by thottienc, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I am exactly the same position, except I am 32! I have never been engaged, married, had kids or lived with a guy. I don't think there is anything wrong with me, I am just different, that's all. Everyone has a different path in life. Why let other people make you feel bad? Its YOUR life, not theirs. Remember, no-one can make you feel bad without your permission.

- Response by sunset77, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Wow! People who are giving you pity looks or are constantly questioning you are simply envious, believe me! I was married with a child by 21. If I had to do it over again, I would have waited until AT LEAST 30. I never realized how much growing up I had to do. Don't listen to them girlfriend, LIVE YOUR LIFE!

- Response by nashswag, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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"mind your business" usually works pretty well. there is only something wrong with you if you think there is. why care what other judgmental jerks think?

- Response by guy5432, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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Tell them that you have chosen to live your own life and that you are smarter than to have been married and divorced at 29 and don't want any kids without a father to help raise them. But MOST IMPORTANTLY Tell them
THAT IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS....... Just my opinion, that's all...

- Response by undercoverguy, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Retired

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I'm 34 and my parents didn't give up on ME yet. Look at your situations as a positive. You have NO baggage! As far as pesky questions go, just smile and say "I haven't found the right person/match for me yet, but maybe you know someone you can introduce me to?". That should shut them up and start working for YOU as far as helping you instead of critizising.

- Response by silver75, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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Listen Cupcake, be you and be happy. Do not allow anyone to dictate your validation or worth. You get married (or not) and have kids (or not) when YOU are ready to! There is NOTHING wrong withg you, OK?

- Response by clueless37, Female, 36-45, Celebrity

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There is nothing wrong with saying the right man hasn't come along yet.

It may seem like it, but "everybody" isn't married for the first time by the time they're 30.

My brother wasn't, and is enjoying a very happy marriage.

I have a niece and 2 nephews in your age range that aren't.

My son got married a couple years ago at 28, his wife was 27. They still haven't had kids, but are planning for that.

You're not old, and life isn't passing you by. Better to have the right partner than settle for something just to say you did.

Anyone who doesn't understand that is nuts.

I wish you much love and many blessings. :)

- Response by mamom04, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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You could say that you were studying on it! rek

- Response by rekkonball, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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Ask them why on earth they have such poor manners....I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would think this is the least of their business....Success is not measured only by having children,being married or owning your own home,,,
These people are strictly narrow minded materialists....
I know alot of married people with children who have miserable lives and are tied to a home that neither wants and would prefer to live elsewhere....Happiness is not always spelled in things attachments....it comes from within and being content with the "moment"

- Response by lady4u, The Cook, Female, 56-65, Cincinnati, Who Cares?

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A good response would be "Why do you ask?"

- Response by dreamspinner, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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I'd say something like, "Well, how come you haven't won the Powerball yet?" with biting sarcasm, of course.

- Response by seductivepisces9, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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The best way to deal with people who ask you these questions and cause you to feel like something is wrong with you is to look at them and smile and simply say, "You know, I got so busy with making a living for myself and being financially stable that I've never made time for marriage, children because I realize that I would first like to establish myself before taking that next step"...and if they can't accept that answer, there is something wrong with them, not you...:D

- Response by fastball, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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The best thing to say is nothing really. Don't dignify their expectations or remarks with much response. Or say something to the effect that you appreciate their concern but you're well enough able to make positive and productive decisions that your life calls for and that whether you decide to marry, have kids or anything else is a decision that is not passed over lightly and that time and your feelings will be the sole factor in that process not their constant nagging or persistence in trying to make you feel like some kind of lost soul. I think you should express that much to them if you haven't already, that you don't appreciate it. There is no being behind for your age. Our lives are not written for us as much as some would like to think. There is no rule saying what you have to do and when. There is more to being a woman than getting hitched and spreading her legs for the rest of her life watching babies grow out. You're human and youve got dreams beyond what these people expect of you Im sure and you should focus on those things with all your heart most of all. If there's anything to fear is the fear that you're 'behind,' that you won't 'catch up,' etc. They made the choices they made and lets hope theyre happy with them, you've got to live making your own and focus on being happy with yourself for all you are in this moment and all that you can become, when you're ready. I feel like I'm writing for Oprah's book club. In any case, good luck. Chin up. Smiles. :)

- Response by mortaune, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. 29 is still pretty young. Let me ask you this.... Are you happy with your life? That's all that matters.

Next time try saying, "I'm not going to settle for ordinary like you did."

- Response by cdmom1971, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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they're just being nosey, its none of there business, I'd tell them I'm toooo young and I'm not ready to grown up yet...I still do lololo

- Response by hotair, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, New Orleans, Transportation

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Just say "I would rather be never married than divorced".

Spoken by an almost 32 year old single gal with no children.

- Response by eccentrica, Female, 36-45

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You obviously live in the country cause no one on the coasts would question a 29 year old not being married. Move out of Kansas would be my suggestion.

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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I get the same looks. Its irritating, I know. But you have to look at it this way: Maybe somewhere in your self-conscious mind something isn't there. I'm not saying there is anything with you. In fact, I believe there isn't a think wrong with you if you are what you claim to be.

What I mean is, have you asked yourself if you had the desire to marry and have children? You sound like you may not even think about marriage or children as often as our generation these days do. Of course its human nature to want companionship and procreate, but its another to jump the guns. From your text, its clear you're patient and you're not willing to commit to anyone who's in it for sweet-talk only and no love.

Try using a combination of facial expressions, body language, and force of vocal expressions to put your point across. You know, do it in a stern way but not hostile. Give them the impression that you are different from them and you want quality. Something worth the wait.

You go girl!! :D

- Response by authorgirl, Female, 29-35, Student

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Tell them to mind thier own damn business. There's nothing wrong with you taking your time and being selective. This is YOUR life we're talking about here. Anymore 40 is the new 20. Enjoy yourself, and the right guy will fall into your lap.

:)

- Response by zhzfs5, Female, 26-28

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I have a cousin and three friends who are in their mid thirties and all on their third marriages...I've never been married, had kids or lived with a man. I always say I haven't found a man who could be a good enough father for my future children. I saw a study recently that said that nuns have an extremely long life expectancy...my guess is that lack of stress over marriage and children factor into that. Not that I'm telling you to be a nun, but the study is interesting when you think about it. Don't let other people's opinions color what you do. How many people have suffered in bad marriages because marriage was what they were "supposed to do." Be yourself.

- Response by waitinggirl22, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles

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Girl I'm 42 and never been married, no kids, etc!! If it's something you want, go out and find it! If not, then live your life as you want it. I had opportunities, just never the right time or the right guy, or both. Yes, people ask, but so what!! It's their problem not mine. I'm happy - I have a great career, have lots of friends, make alot of money, spend it how I want, travel, and can make my own decisions. Meanwhile, at my 25 high school reunion the girls are on their 2nd husband (or 3rd) bored and jealous of my life. I'm not saying mine is any better or more fulfilling, it's just that we all think the grass is greener.

- Response by laneyk, Female, 36-45, Political / Government

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OMG!! Dont ever let other's make you feel that it is wrong or wierd that you have choosen to be single..If being married,having a child or being engaged mean the purpose of life? then you are hanging out and listening to the wrong people! Go see the world meet interesting people or go back to school.. Fill your heart with joy and the right guy at the right time FOR YOU will come.

- Response by look4love, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Teaching

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