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My kids father does not want to see are talk to his kids what can i do?
Family & Relationships / 6:10 PM - Monday August 24, 2009

My kids father does not want to see are talk to his kids what can i do?

We have not been togater for 2 years and he only seen them 5 time s ....my lil girl call him all the time and he does not call her back. she is 7 and my son is 4 .my son ask some times can we go to Michael house he does not call him dad any more.i just dont know what to tell her anymore i get very sad when she tells me he well call mom he well but he does not its been over 7 mounts sents he seen them...can some one help me?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Stop worrying about their dad....he's a loser. Why continue trying to contact him. If he wants to see them, he can bust his ass to see them....but he has to earn the right to.

You need to focus on being a strong woman and show them how a mom/strong woman acts. If a man wants to be in your life, he needs to earn the right - teach them that instead.

- Response by ecgjyt, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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Community Rating: Community Star

hooked on phonics worked for me

- Response by mtnluv29, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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It was the same situation for the father of my two sons.

For me, I quit talking about him. I did not encourage the kids to call him.

He just faded into the background because he never called or made any effort to see them.

- Response by utahmom, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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It was the same situation for the father of my two sons.

For me, I quit talking about him. I did not encourage the kids to call him.

He just faded into the background because he never called or made any effort to see them.

- Response by utahmom, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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I was in the same position as you are and to be honest, you can't 'force' your kids' father to be a part of their life if he doesn't want to...my children are 14 and 12 and their father hasn't been in their life for the past 11 years and it has nothing to do with the fact that I've tried taking them to him for visits, I've tried having them call him, I've tried talking to him and even tried 'forcing' him to see them by telling him that they 'need' him in their life but nothing has worked...what I've finally started telling them was that daddy was working hard and was busy so he would see them when/if he was able to or I would tell them that I would miss them too much if they went to see him because I would be alone and it has worked for awhile...no matter how hard you try or what you do, the fact is that if he doesn't want to make that effort, you can't really force him...:D

- Response by fastball, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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its such a sad situation when a parent doesn't want to be in his child's life. there are fathers out there that do, but the mother is crazy, and like you said, there are guys out there that don't want to be part of their childs life, although the mother would like nothing better for the child's sake.

these anti-social, self centered people unfortunately are within their rights to be non-existent parents. it would be a better world if everyone could get along. however, that's not reality. if that had happened, then you guys probably would have still been together. you seem like a very loving and caring mother, unlike many women today.

you can allow your father or boyfriend or other male member you trust become their serrogate father. the kids would have someone that loves them and they would receive the children's love. its not the best, but it is better then the current hurt that the kids go through every day

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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All too common, sadly his loss...but the kids end up emotionally scarred from the rejection. sometimes. Inconsistency and broken promises, sometime make kids feel like they're too blame.

I hope you have a brother or father to be a role model in their life....for the dad, that dropped out.all u can do is stay strong and loving, as I'm sure you are.

- Response by dreamspinner, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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Both my daughters saw little of their fathers, while growing up.

It hurt them deeply. My older daughter. who is 32 now does have contact with her Father, but it was years and years, before this occurred. My daughter is not close to him, but tolerates him. She had a baby in November and that man and his wife flew their to see the "Granddaughter." (He is flying in for three days to see her and G'Baby on Labor Day.)

They missed out on so much of their lives, sadly. She forgave him, but she will never forget his actions.

My younger daughter saw her Father this summer for the first time in 5 years, when she went to Fla to see her Grandmother. He is a stranger to her. There is no reason for men to abandon their babies.. JUST NONE!!!

All I can say, is someday they will meet their Maker and have to face their wrongdoings.

- Response by Lindy1951, A Budget-minded, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Consulting

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Sorry to hear your pain hun. The Dad needs a kick up the ass thats for sure and he is not realizing that with his words he is playing mind games with the children .. If I was u id speak to the Father he needs to know how his words are effecting the children.
Speak to him face to face not over the phone and tell him how this effects u and both off u come to a compromising situation that allows him to be in the childrens lifes and share the parenting roles and what is best for the children . The children are obvisiously feeling very confused due to his words. Pull him up on it ASAP
Goodluck

- Response by berri, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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My kids dad did the same thing to our 2 kids. My kids are now in their 20's. My kids Dad stayed away and did not support them for 19 years. My son does not have any respect for him. After all these years, Daddy decides to want to return into our lives. He has no one else and according to him, he's in bad health. My daughter has forgiven him but my son has not. In my eyes, he's a dumb selfish jerk who chose alcohol and drugs over raising and being responsible for his children. After awhile, the pain goes away but the scars will remain in their hearts forever. Just step up and be both Mom and Dad to them. They won't feel like they are lacking something by not having him around. Good Luck, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle.

- Response by 3wiltedroses, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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I am sorry but there is not anything you can do in that situation which will be a sure fire thing that will get him to see his kids.

Whenever I am counseling my clients and their problems are mainly inter personal I explain to them that we only have control over one thing in this life, and that is ourselves. Trying to force someone to do something is never successful, we can only give people incentives to do something.

The question you need to be asking is what can you do for your kids so that you do not poison their relationship with their father (it seems that you are doing a good job in staying out of the kid-father relationship which is a good thing) but how you can provide the emotional support your kids need.

I am sorry this is not the answer you probably wanted but it is likely where you are going to end up. My heart goes out to your kids.

- Response by attorneydad, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Lawyer

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