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Active Questions

Do you have family that only call you when they need something.
Family & Relationships / 10:22 PM - Thursday June 11, 2009

Do you have family that only call you when they need something.

My aunt and cousins are users and I hate it, I really like having their company but, I feel like the only time I'm wanted is when they need something. I get invited to Bdays and Babyshowers and sometimes holidays but other than that I don't get calls unless they need to move or need money. I feel that they don't truely like me they like what they can get. Is that good reason to say goodbye to them?

- Asked by Female, 46-55, Sacramento, Home Maker

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No, its not a good reason. Family members do things sometimes that you want to ring there necks, but there family. It could be worse you know. Get only a card once a year at Christmas from some family member you don't even see during the year. If you don't like when they call you because they need money or whatever you can choose to say "NO". "I'm sorry but I don't have it or I'm sorry but I will be busy"....JUst say no.

- Response by thewiselady2004, Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Community Rating: Community Star

No, it isn't. Family is family no matter their imperfections. Focus on the big picture. One day, you might be the one who ends up needing them. You never know.

- Response by maxxfighter, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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perhaps it is. if you feel undervalued and are not normally an insecure person who is needy for reinforcement, then the actions that triggered that feeling in you may well be valid.

there are limits we all have, even in dealing with loved ones and extended family (loved or not). if you've reached that point, then politely do something about it... "TTFN, folks!"

- Response by two469, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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Do they repay u the cash u give hun. certainly hope so .. If they not. MOVE ON.

Have u told them u only here from them when they want something from u ? Best to say so . Dont be shy.
If u hate it that much . Say NO. If they dont talk to u for awhile dont be affended either.
By saying no and being consistant with NO They hopefully will see that they need to be accountable for there actions and learn to live within there means and NOT live outside there budget.
If they havnt got the money and not able to move etc well they cant can they . Saying NO is ok . U wont be used and they soon realise that they have to do something about the money problems .
U have to stop saying yes . They will learn eventually

- Response by berri, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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My mom has done that since I started working at 18 & still does .She never asks anything from my younger brothers and sister though they're working and all over 18,she says they 're not earning enough but she never felt that way abt me.I stopped last yr after my sister and I had a fight,she took sides with her although she was the one who had wronged me.From then I understood she doesn't care abt me but my money.

- Response by Female, 36-45, Dublin, Other Profession

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One of my sisters who live abroad is like that, some things are not available in the country where she lives in, and so everytime she runs out of supplies she would give us a call to buy and send her the things she wanted. She would even get mad if she got things that she didn't ask for, which we sent because we thought she might want it, you know just out of care or concern, so she shouldn't mind because everything is paid by us not her.

- Response by Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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They are your family so be pleasant to them. How would you feel if you weren't invited to birthdays and baby showers? You must be important to them or you wouldn't be invited.

As far as giving them money. If they don't repay it, or you can't afford it, or don't wish to loan or give it, say no, I'm sorry I can't.

We all have family we love, and also more challenging family members. Someday you might need them.

On the other hand a woman I know never heard from her relatives until her wealthy father passed away. Suddenly they were "super close" and tried to get money, things from her. She blew them off.

Do what is comfortable. Don't do what isn't. Take care. I wouldn't say goodbye to them personally unless they are abusive. Just set boundaries.

- Response by lasuz, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Retired

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Sometimes families get sooooo busy that they kinda forget about one another until they need something. Sometimes that can be a good thing. But, you don't seem to care for that. Have you tried telling them that you would like to be included in things and not just when you are needed? Consider yourself lucky that you have family at all. Be thankful that you have a good enough income that they feel they can come to you for a loan. Also think about how involved with your family you would like to become. You know that saying ,"Be careful what you wish for...." Keeping a distance may be the best option.

- Response by jem999, A DIY Expert, Female, 36-45

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I have had the same problem for years & years. My family ONLY calls when they need something. They NEVER call just to say hi or to see how I'm doing. If they do call they throw in the "how have you been" and IMMEDIATELY go to what they need. They don't care "how I've been" if they did they would call to ask once in a while without asking for something. Honestly they ONLY call when they need something and it is VERY upsetting to me. I'm done with all of them. I have friends that treat me WAY better than my family. Since my decision to not talk to my family I am now less stressed each day that goes by. No more stress when the phone rings "What do they WANT this time?" I can't take it anymore so I decided not to talk to them anymore. A person's actions speaks more than words. If they only call when they need something that will keep happening. Find friends that care about you.

- Response by The Cook, Female, 46-55, Denver

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I typed that same question into google and thought i was the only one!its my whole family toward me i havent lived in this state for 21 yrs i move back with my husband and 2 kids and the only time they call guessed it i need i need well what about my needs i came here to be with my family and of all people my mom its like she thimks i owe her something dont get me wrong i love her and dont have the heart to say no all that time i was gone no one called me i had to keep up with them i do feel unwanted because of it only when they need.

- Response by A Stay-at-Home Mom, Female, 36-45

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Enabling bad treatment toward yourself, on the grounds the person shares DNA with you is probably the single most wrestled with social problem on the face of the Earth. The problem is YOU try to adhere by this unwritten rule, and usually they don't. Somebody even suggested the crazy excuse! The belief that when the chips are down for you, they'll suddenly come to YOUR aid. Which hardly ever happens.

- Response by optiflex, An Retiree, Female, 46-55

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My family dont just call me for money. there all almost and some homeless ( total crisis) man it is a sad place.
Im just trying like everyone else. So I dont have to worry when i cant do for my self.Sometimes family cant see the weight they put on you .Or dont care

- Response by montybasketball06, A New Mom, Female, 46-55, Houston

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