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How do I get my 6 year old daughter out of my bed?!!!
Family & Relationships / 11:59 AM - Tuesday February 24, 2009

How do I get my 6 year old daughter out of my bed?!!!

Okay so i've pretty much been a single mom for almost 7 years and have mostly concentrated on raising my child and it hasn't been a problem to have her sleeping with me but now i'm sorta in an intimate relationship where I need my bedroom to myself and she throws tantrums when I ask her to sleep in her own room or with her grandma instead of me. I've been trying to get her into her own room for years but she says she can't sleep alone cause she's 'scared' what to do?

Update: February 25, 2009.
Thank you all so much for the relevant advice I appreciate your ideas and will be putting them to use. I realize that it is and has been my 'fault' that this is an issue. I just wanted to get some ideas on how to remedy the situation and I got some great ideas now :)

Update: February 24, 2009.
Just for clarification... My child does not SEE this man in my bed. We are careful to not send any signals around her. Usually we get together when she goes to stay the night with her cousins. And if not we get together after everyone else is asleep and he does not stay. Nobody SEES him come or go. Geez I can't have some privacy in my own home that I have bought and paid for just because I have a family to take care of. People are so judgemental!

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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What is she scared of? Something to try would be moving her slowly to her room. Start by making her a bed on the floor. Like camping, first next to the bed then further and further.Maybe since summer is coming, try a summer camp. Maybe sleep overs at friends places. I know what you are going through, I have 8 kids. Each is different and you just keep guessing what works with each one.My one daughter went from my room to the livingroom then to her own room. Make a bed for you in her room and only stay till she falls asleep. A night light of her choice and music help some kids. My one daughter seems to feel the need to sleep with her little sister who doesn't really want to share her bed.Find out what scares her and be the super mom and ask her to tell you what you have to do to make it go away. My one son only listens to rock music, he's 2 and doesn't like kids songs.Hmmm.It's all guess, trail and error. Good Luck.

- Response by ducky50202, Female, 46-55, Dawson, Food Service

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Let me get this straight. You didn't raise her to be confident and secure (insisting children sleep in their own beds is a key element). You're now only concerned about getting her to sleep in her own bed so you can have sex. Your MOTHER is in the same house with all this non-parenting going on.

My answer is: I don't care whether you're in an intimate relationship, or not! Start being a parent! Today! Grow up! Put your adult hat on!

My god.

- Response by trawna2, Female, 36-45, Toronto, Other Profession

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Have a talk with her and tell her it is time for her to be a big girl and to sleep in her own room. Let her know that most girls her age do not sleep in their mothers' beds.

You could make an exciting project out of this change in status quo by repainting and decorating her room so that she will want to buy into the idea. Let her pick out the color scheme & a new bedspread and stuffed animals to sleep with, etc. Try to figure out what would make the idea appealing to her.

This project may take some time and effort, but even without the "intimate relationship" in the picture, it would have to be done sooner or later. Good luck.

- Response by A Budget-minded, Female, 66 or older, Medical / Dental

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You have made a monster. It will take some time to get her use to sleeping in her own room. Everytime she comes to your bed, you have to take her and put her back in her own...EVERYTIME!!!!!

- Response by barbb, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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A like scenario was on supernanny a while ago. Basically, you screwed up letting her in your bed in the first place. She doesn't see it as your bed but hers and yours. Now you must deal with the tantrums and break the habit. She clearly has control and realizes it. Reassure her, look for under-bed monsters, give her a teddy or such and don't let her guilt you into giving in.



- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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Go out and get a new stuffed animal for her. Tell her that the animal is afraid of the dark, too, and she needs to keep it company. By working together to help the new "pet" she'll be able to work through her own fears.

When she starts to freak, be patient but firm and direct all your energy to the stuffed animal needing care and not her tantrum.

Good luck and God bless

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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I ditto slowly moving her back into her own bed. Also, I would suggest that you start doing this when you're not going to have an intimate relationship/stay over. So, you can have more time to focus on retraining your daughter. You can start by reassuring your child, while searching the room that there's nothing there. Then, lie down with the her, read a book, talk until the child falls asleep. Children sometimes act out when they think someone is taking their place and they need to be reassured that they are loved and have a special place in the parent's heart

By the way, why would you bring someone into home with your mother and daughter being there to be intimate with? There are other places to go for privacy. The ground work that you're teaching/laying before your daughter will become a backlash for you later.

- Response by marymot, A DIY Expert, Female, 56-65, Chicago, Administrative

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Well you can buy her a night light. Maybe she is scared of being in the dark. Show her there is nothing to be scared of by sleeping in her room. I wish you good luck.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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Put her in her own bed. Be firm. Repeat as necessary.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles

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Wow! You should have asked for relationship advice, based on the answers you're getting.

Regardless of your dating status, you really do need to move your daughter into her own bed. You'll both sleep better in the long run if you're both able to make it through the night alone. Start by talking to her about it. You both have reasons for her sleeping in your bed. Address them one by one. See if the two of you can come up with solutions to the issues that come up. I'm guessing it'll be some of these:
~I love you and want to be with you. (You love her too, and want her to grow up big and strong. But she can't do that if she doesn't get a good night's sleep in her own bed.)
~I'm afraid of the dark. (Night lights, monster patrol before bed,hall light on, special stuffed animal protector, super hero powers.)
~My bed isn't as comfy as yours. (Special pillows, rearrange room, new bed)
~I get bored in my bed. (Good! That way you'll fall asleep. Set up a soothing bedtime routine to make sleep come faster, play music until she falls asleep.)

Those are just a few of the reasons I'm up against trying to get my own DD into her own bed. It's not easy, but sometimes being a good parent is hard. Better to have her throw a tantrum now than deal with the weirdness of having a high school kid still sleeping in your bed.

Good luck!

- Response by HeathRa, A New Mom, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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