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My boyfriend of 6yrs. is still legally married to his ex.......help!!!!!
Dating / 11:00 AM - Tuesday February 24, 2009

my boyfriend of 6yrs. is still legally married to his ex.......help!!!!!

ok so it's been 6yrs and he keeps telling me that he is going to get divorced. actually as we speak he's supposed to be going to court to file. i know in my heart that he is not going to the court house. i know i should go on with my life but it's not that easy. i love this man. we have been living together for five years. how do i just walk away. it's not like he's cheating....right?

Update: February 24, 2009.
thank you all for your opinions. some of you were really mean and that was not called for. i know most of you think i'm a fool but when you love someone it makes making decisions like this real hard. his ex wife is living with another man as well so thats why i dont think that they are sneaking around. i just dont understand why he won't get his divorce papers. lazy????

- Asked by 1126zamot, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Administrative

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Girl i cant even sit here and say i havent been in the same position. and for me i didnt wanna leave i loved him and most days this other women didn't bother me as much but then there are those days that you wonder what the hell am i doing and why cant i stop it. your right its not that easy to walk away and when your ready you will know it and there is nothing that you will need to say to make yourself do it you will just know. until then what everybody else says you will take into consideration but your in the situation so you know everything thats going on.

Wishing You the Best...

- Response by aivan213, Female, 26-28, Medical / Dental

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If you want me to say no he's not cheating I wont. But I have to ask you why are you living with a married man? Why would you even put yourself in that position? Hello........

- Response by seasons4, An Retiree, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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"It's not like he's cheating, right?"

WTF? What - exactly - is your definition of "cheating"? This lowlife cur is cheating with you on the wife he's still married to, AND he's cheating on YOU by claiming to be exclusive with you but he still has a wife he lies about getting divorced from. For SIX years.

How stupid and/or gullible ARE you?

- Response by justpassingthru, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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yes he is cheating on his wife. both of you are living in a state of adultery and he is not your man...you are playing second fiddle in the orchestra.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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It is cheating. He's still married. Doesn't matter if they are together or not. What the heck are they waiting for? Obviously they don't live together, they both have separate lives now, but if I remember correctly he has children with her. So, if he keeps running back to her each time she calls for what ever reason, it's because, he still is committed to that relationship in a big way and IMHO is waiting to be able to go back "Home" to his wife and kids. I wouldn't continue this relationship, unless you want to be the 'other' woman for the rest of your life. He will never be able to be fully committed to you and any family you may have together because, he's married, and is invested in his children and his wife. Take a leap of faith in yourself and boot him out. Tell him to go back home to his wife and children where his heart has been obviously hanging since the day he and his wife separated. He either has to put up and get a divorce or lose you. That's a deal breaker and doesn't mean that he's giving up on his kids. As long as you allow him to remain without a final decision
he won't make one. You deserve a man who will give you 100% and nothing less.

- Response by bnotafraid, Female, Who Cares?, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Not to be harsh but........ how needy and naive you sound. If the "man" truly loved you he would have "taken care of business" years ago so he could get on with his life with you. From his perspective, why does he need to get a divorce and commit to you when he has all the perks now ?
Most likely, were he divorced, you would want to marry him at some point and then the whole relationship would change.



- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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He's had six years, if that doesn't raise enough red flags then you belong with him. You need to do right by yourself and get out of that sittuation before it gets worse. He is going to see this as him being allowed to take advantage of you. Leave a note telling him why you left and give him a time limit of... a month to get the divorce papers signed and make a copy for you to see or your not coming back. If you mean as much to him as he means to you, he will grow a back bone and get it done. Good luck

- Response by imayjustb2shy4u, Female, 22-25, Home Maker

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You've been dating him for six years. Was he this wishy-washy about your future together from day one? Also, it sounds like you're going to stay with him, divorced or not. If you're going to stay with him what's his motivation?

I guess I'm really asking you questions: What do YOU want? Is this man going to provide it? If not,what are YOU going to do?

- Response by trawna2, Female, 36-45, Toronto, Other Profession

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He's not cheating on you, but he certainly is on his legal wife.

- Response by barbb, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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ha, everyone is freaking out cause hes still married...
Chill the eff out dude...If he was really in love with this other person and he very well might be but if he was would he really be with you.And dealt with you for 6 years? that's a long time...I am not here to judge you at all, but he prob does care and love you. But he is being lazy and so are you a little bit cause if you wanted it done and taken care of you would of walked his butt down there and did it with him. And as far has his wife, iim pretty sure shes doing what she wants and is not waiting around for him. Come on get real she maybe in a bad situation but his wife is at fault as well. Not only her and him, why hasnt she went and filed for it either. Girl all I can tell you is watch out and make sure he isnt still messin around with his wife and that he really does go down. And even talk to him ask him why it has taken him this long to even go down to the court house...

Thats aa mess get it under control!!

- Response by marbaby09, Female, 22-25, Pittsburgh, Lawyer

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I really think that you are pretty naive. Why do you want to be at the 2nd place? I can tell you that he does not love you enough, otherwise, he would have divorced his wife. It is very unfair to both you and his wife.

Force him to set a date of filing a divorce. By then, if he has not done so. You know he is not worth it.

- Response by watermelon07, A Budget-minded, Female, 29-35

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He has hoodwinked you for six years now while he is enjoying having a cake and eating it too. You gotta make a stand now before another six years go by. What is the holdup if you are living together. You made it to easy for him and yes, since he is still MARRIED it is called cheating. sorry.

- Response by englishrose4945, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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- Response by nikki6982, A Stay-at-Home Mom, Female, 29-35, Cleveland

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